I got rejected by the research degree of my dreams

I first want to disclaim that I am not writing this for pity, I am writing this as the honest truth. I’ve been updating all of you on my masters research process over the last 6 months and this just happens to be the next update.

You can find my last update here.

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I submitted my final masters by research proposal & application back in early June. Since then, it was radio silent until a couple weeks ago; I received a very vague email from the University saying my application was “unsuccessful”.

My initial reaction was that I was rejected, but then as the hours went on I was more confused by the wording and vagueness of their email. It made it seem like something within my application got lost in translation.

The last three and a half weeks since receiving the email, I have never felt so lost. More than anything, the scientist in me, just wanted to know more information – anything at this point. I wanted to know what my options were moving forward. Over the last three weeks I have sent out countless emails to different points of contact at the University (including my proposed professor) …. and all I had was radio silence.

The inner turmoil of grievance and confusion has been the most exhausting part.

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So, let’s go to today. Today is Wednesday August 26th, 2020.

This afternoon I was near the beach while on the phone with my life coach (kind of like therapy but not). We were chatting about where I’ve been mentally and I mentioned “I’m about to hit my breaking point.”

And just as the “t” rolled off my tongue in “breaking point” I look up and see the tallest blowhole spout from a whale – not a coincidence.

So the day went on and yes that was weird and all but I do believe in signs.

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Tonight, after coming to the realization that sending emails isn’t enough to get answers, I made the decision to bite my tongue on the international call fees and call the University over in Australia. I finally was able to get more answers and closure regarding the inner turmoil I’ve been in the last three weeks.

Essentially, yes I was rejected. Science is expensive – so there’s limited funding and I didn’t make the cut. Of course I wish the email was a bit more descriptive than three vague sentences but… you can’t win them all I guess!

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That’s today’s update: The application I have been working on since February 2019 (yes I’m serious) has been rejected and I am still caught in this state of limbo where I have no clue when I’ll be able to move!

I hope once I hear back from my professor I’ll be able to get a better sense of my next step & hopefully move forward with reapplying in October.

Thank you so much for reading this far. This helped to ground me and piece together my thoughts regarding everything.

I hope to do a whole post on grievance and the pandemic soon because I have a lot to say.

Thanks

Ashleigh